Zebra Joke: White Or Black?

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

 

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

 

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

 

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, you are what you are."

 

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

 

Ripley's Believe It Or Not

In November 2005, a hunting dog in Norfolk, England, uncovered a live World War II hand grenade and brought it to his master.

Joke: "Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm."

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

 

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

 

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

 

TRADITIONAL OR CONTEMPORARY?

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

 

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.

 
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

Joke Of The Day: Mom, can I have a car for graduation?

Zack: Mom, can I have a car for graduation?

Mom: Only if you get a haircut.

Zack: But didn't Samson, Moses, and Jesus have long hair?

Mom: Yes, and they walked everywhere they went.

 

http://JokesAndSayings.net

 

Disney Spells?

Max at the therapist’s office.

Max: Doc, sometimes I think I’m Mickey Mouse; other times I think I’m Donald Duck; and at still other times I think I’m the entire cast of High School Musical!

Therapist: How long have you been having these Disney spells?

Jokes

Catching Less Fish Is Better?

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

 

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

 

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

 

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

 

Anniversary

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."

 

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.

 

However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

 

In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

 

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in.

 

But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

 

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

 

Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess   after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years we've been together."

 

They hugged and made their peace.

 

A little while later, Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

 

Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

 

http://JokesAndSayings.net

Knock Knock...

Knock Knock.

 

Who's there?

 

Alma.

 

Alma who?

 

Alma love, alma kisses, you don't know what you've been missing.

 

(Okay, it's corny but we all could do with some corny stuff, now and again!).

 

- The Joke Genie

 

Yo momma house so dirty...

Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Church Sign

"Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For The Sick', is for monetary donations only."

 

http://JokesAndSayings.net

 

He Sees His Wife

Monty got his paycheck on Friday but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with his friends. When he finally ran out of money Sunday night, he returned home. He was confronted by his furious wife, who lectured him for hours about his lack of consideration. Finally she said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he blurted out, "That would be just fine with me!" Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he still didn't see her. Finally on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

 

Got Any Jokes?

Hey? Do you want to add a joke?

Feel free.

 

Add it as a comment. Or, better yet, go to http://JokesAndSayings.net and Click the Post link and add your joke.

 

Best regards,

 

The Joke Genie.

Court Joke

Judge: How long were you at the scene of the crime?

Wítness: Until I left.