Marriage Joke

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

 

"What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting Flies," he responded.

 

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

 

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he replied.

 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell which are female and which are male?"

 

He responded, "The 3 flies were on a beer can and the 2 flies were on the phone."

 

 

 

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Marriage Joke

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel #5 for his wife's birthday.

 

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

 

"You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise."

 

 

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Lawyer Joke

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.

 

The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.

 

The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

 

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

 

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.

 

The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

 

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went thr ough your ranch that morning. I didnt have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

 

The old rancher replied, "Well, Ill tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

 

 

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Animal Joke

Two roaches having a discussion

 

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

 

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

 

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

 

 

 

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