Short Jokes
ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ANSWER: Oral.
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Saturday
Thursday
Shot In The What?
Short Jokes
Friend: You were not shot in the fracas?
Victim: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Friend: You were not shot in the fracas?
Victim: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Tuesday
Taxation Without Representation
John Oliver: Taxation Without Representation
Frankly, I could not f**king believe I was not allowed to vote. Three and a half years I've lived here! I work hard -- relatively speaking for someone who does this for a living. I pay my taxes. I try to fit in. I've learnt your rudimentary language. I don't know what more you could reasonably expect me to do. And that's when it hit me. I know why I'm so angry. I know what this is -- taxation without representation. Now I get it. Now I see why you got so pissy about it all those years ago. It is annoying. You were right. It is annoying and consider that as close to an apology as you are ever going to get.
Frankly, I could not f**king believe I was not allowed to vote. Three and a half years I've lived here! I work hard -- relatively speaking for someone who does this for a living. I pay my taxes. I try to fit in. I've learnt your rudimentary language. I don't know what more you could reasonably expect me to do. And that's when it hit me. I know why I'm so angry. I know what this is -- taxation without representation. Now I get it. Now I see why you got so pissy about it all those years ago. It is annoying. You were right. It is annoying and consider that as close to an apology as you are ever going to get.
Monday
Marriage Humor
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. YOU carry the suitcases!"
Short Jokes
He responded, "Sure. YOU carry the suitcases!"
Short Jokes
Thursday
Wednesday
Tuesday
Hiccups
While waiting in line at the bank, I developed an embarrassing case of hiccups. While near the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to get worse.
The teller took my cheque and proceeded to run a computer verification of the account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash it.
Shocked as it was end month and I was sure my employer had banked my salary, I asked “Why not?” “I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account is overdrawn in excess of sh 50000.”
“It can’t be!” I cried. “You have to be kidding!”
“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash.
“But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”
Short Jokes
The teller took my cheque and proceeded to run a computer verification of the account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash it.
Shocked as it was end month and I was sure my employer had banked my salary, I asked “Why not?” “I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account is overdrawn in excess of sh 50000.”
“It can’t be!” I cried. “You have to be kidding!”
“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash.
“But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”
Short Jokes
Saturday
Little Johnny's new baby brother
Short Jokes
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
Thursday
Mealtime during a flight
Jokes Every Man Should Know
Mealtime during a flight
It was mealtime during a flight.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Joe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" Joe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Mealtime during a flight
It was mealtime during a flight.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Joe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" Joe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Friday
Optimism vs Pessimism
Short JokesAn optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “Your dog can’t swim!”
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