Super Funny Jokes and Youtube Funny Videos

Who Stole Our Steed?

2011-12-13T04:50:00.001-08:00

This just in from http://jokesandsayings.net

A tandem team rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a cold drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which they were. When they finished their drinks, they found their steed had been stolen.

They go back into the bar, the captain handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE OUR STEED?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"ALL RIGHT WE'RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHA COLD DRINK, AND IF OUR STEED AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME WE FINISH, WE'RE GONNA DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS! AND WE DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

They had another cold drink, walked outside, and the tandem is back! They mount up and start to ride out of town.

The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what did happen in Texas?"

The captain turned back and said, "We had to walk home."

http://jokesandsayings.net

Utube Funny Videos

Should We Pamper Cows?

2011-12-05T01:09:00.000-08:00

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Will This Joke Boomerang?

2011-12-04T01:06:00.000-08:00

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Do Eskimos Get This?

2011-12-03T01:56:00.000-08:00

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Joke Of The Day

2011-09-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy, who had been previously telling funny jokes, continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car.

Finally, he asked. "Those your kids?"

"Yes, they are!" I answered proudly.

"They adopted?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."

Short Jokes

Your Short Jokes Leader - From A Short, But Mighty, Joke Genie

2011-07-01T16:54:00.001-07:00

Please stay tuned for more clean jokes.

Joke Genie

Julie, a blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money

2011-06-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money.
So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman.

She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door.

She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, "Well, actually, we need the porch painted-how much do you want?" Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, "OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage."

When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, "$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She must have, she was standing right on it."

About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there. She tells him that she's done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats. As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie says, "Oh, and by the way, that isn't a Porsche-it's a Ferrari."

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

2011-06-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

There were There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar

2011-06-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?'

A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler.

Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Joke Genie, Editor

Adult Jokes

Why don't blind people sky dive?

2011-06-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Why don't blind people sky dive?

Because it would scare the hell out of their dog.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Little Timmy and Grandma

2011-06-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

Little Timmy hears rustling in his parents' bedroom. So he pushes open the door to find his dad on his mom making love. They both look at Timmy but finish what they're doing. When they finish, the Dad says he'll take care of it.

He goes to Timmy's room and opens up the door to find Timmy on top of Grandma.

Dad screams, "Timmy, what the hell are you doing?"

Timmy replies, "Ain't so damn funny when it's YOUR mother, now is it?"

Joke Genie, Editor

Jokes - Dirty

Dirty Jokes Every Man Should Know (Pocket Companions)

Generous lawyer

2011-04-26T13:28:00.001-07:00

http://JokesAndSayings.net

Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Short Jokes

Redneck Joke

2011-03-29T10:31:00.001-07:00

Breaking joke from http://jokesandsayings.net

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

Funny Jokes

Pros & Cons

2011-02-22T10:38:00.001-08:00

http://jokesandsayings.net bulletin...

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.

The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing!"

Peace out,

Joke Genie

Funny Jokes

This Teacher Joke Is Peachy

2011-01-25T10:15:00.001-08:00

http://JokesAndSayings.net/Jokes-Funny says...

Girl: My teacher's a peach.

Mother: You mean she's sweet.

Girl: No, she has a heart of stone.

Funny Jokes

Dumb Money Joke

2011-01-18T07:37:00.001-08:00

Why is money called dough?

Because you knead it.

Funny Funny Jokes

Joke Genie Senses That A One Liner Is Coming

2011-01-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

Joke Genie says that a one liner or really a 2 liner is coming.

Boss Wife Advice

2011-01-10T01:32:00.001-08:00

http://jokesandsayings.net says:

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I'm not coming to work today, I am really sick. I have a headache, my stomach aches and my legs hurt."

The boss replies, "I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I did what you said and I feel great. I be at work soon. By the way, you have a nice house!

Funny Funny Jokes

Dumb Joke

2011-01-02T13:21:00.001-08:00

http://JokesAndSayings.net

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on its own?

It was two tired.

Please stay tuned for more funny jokes!

This blog is all about jokes.

Funny Funny Jokes

Lawyer Joke

2010-12-28T13:45:00.001-08:00

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.

The ranchers prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.

The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.

The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldnt resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldnt have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went thr ough your ranch that morning. I didnt have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, Ill tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

Funny Funny Jokes

Ocean Bottom - Corny Joke

2010-12-18T23:22:00.001-08:00

Corny joke from http://jokesandsayings.net

What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Funny Funny Jokes

A Nerd, A Nude and a Bike

2010-12-18T04:56:00.001-08:00

From http://jokesandsayings.net

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?" The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Funny Funny Jokes

Jokes, Jokes, Jokes & Funny Vid clips

2010-12-16T05:22:00.001-08:00

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses

Just in time for Christmas.

Funny Funny Jokes

Mother and Daughter Car Talk

2010-12-13T01:20:00.001-08:00

One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.

My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."

"What do you want to know?" I responded.

"Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"

In the Driver's Seat: A Girl's Guide to Her First Car

"What Is The Object?" asked the teacher

2010-12-12T12:25:00.001-08:00

Mrs. Davis asked her English class, "Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object?"

Zach raised his hand and said, "Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school."

"Why, thank you, Zach," replied Mrs. Davis. "And what is the object?"

"To get the best grade I can," said Zach.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Flexible Husband?

2010-12-10T01:11:00.000-08:00

Several men are in the locker room of a tennis club telling funny funny jokes. A cell phone On a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function And begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.

It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, ….go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new

2009 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$80,000″

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing….the house we wanted last

year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up.. The other men in the locker room are looking at him In astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

Funny Funny Jokes

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

School Joke - Rather Cheesy

2010-12-07T12:30:00.000-08:00

Why is the library the tallest room in the school?

It has the most stories.

Don't worry... we don't just have cheesy jokes... there are some other ones coming down the pike. Does anyone say that, like me?

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Do You Know This?

2010-12-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

Where does Thursday come before Wednesday?

In the dictionary.

The Merriam-Webster English Dictionary

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

School Joke - Does It Pay to Know Math? Maybe Not!

2010-12-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

Jeanne: Mom, I got a hundred in school today!

Mom: Good job! What did you get a hundred in?

Jeanne: In two things. I got a forty in math and a sixty in spelling.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

School Joke

2010-11-30T12:25:00.000-08:00

Jim (quite the joker): Teacher, would you be mad at somebody for something they didn't do?

Teacher: No, Of course not!

Jim: Good. I didn't do my homework.

Joke Genie, Editor

Jokes Funny

Corny Animal Joke

2010-11-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

Teacher: Cathy, what would you do if you were chased by a man-eating tiger?

Cathy: Nothing. I'm a girl, not a man.

Joke Genie, Editor

Corny Joke

What two letters of the alphabet contain nothing?

2010-11-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

What two letters of the alphabet contain nothing?

MT

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

More Gravity...

2010-11-25T12:14:00.000-08:00

Fushigi Magic Gravity Ball

Teacher: The law of gravity explains why we stay on the ground.

Student: How did we stay on the ground before the law was passed?

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Another Jokes and Jokes Blog

2010-11-24T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hi!

Of course, we're keeping this blog but there is a new blog to check out! It provides jokes... and jokes.

They also have joke videos. Funny vids.

You will also find a new joke every day.

Jokes Jokes Jokes

Joke Genie, Editor

A Word

2010-11-24T12:17:00.001-08:00

What word starts with E and has only one letter in it?

Envelope.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Gravity Got You Down?

2010-11-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. I just can't put it down.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Working With The FBI (today's FBI joke)

2010-10-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house. "Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Making People Happy on AIR FORCE ONE (today's funny joke)

2010-10-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Making People Happy on AIR FORCE ONE

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Joke Genie, Editor

Funny Joke

Joke: OLD WOMAN HAS A BABY

2010-10-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

Joke Time...

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The old lady says, "Because I forgot where I put it."

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Joke

Joke Of The Day: Woman Exclaims, "Make Me Feel Like A Woman!"

2010-10-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

Joke Of the Day:

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "You want to feel like a woman, eh? Iron this."

Joke Genie, Editor

Joke of the Day

Yo Momma

2010-10-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yo momma's house is so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Joke Genie, Editor

Yo Momma Jokes

Wise Old Man - Funny Joke

2010-10-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

Wise Old Man

A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.

Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the man tells the kids, "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer.

A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. "Look," he says, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaims. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts. We quit."

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Animal Joke

2010-10-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

SideSplitters What a Hoot!: Over 150 Hilarious Animal Jokes

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

Joke Genie, Editor

Animal Joke

Cheese-e Joke

2010-10-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho cheese.

P.S. May have to read it twice to get it. And, do it slowly.

Joke Genie, Editor

One Liner Jokes

Harley And a Hoover - Short Joke

2010-10-11T13:41:00.003-07:00

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The location of the dirt bag.

Joke Genie, Editor

Short Jokes

Corny Joke

2010-10-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

3650 Jokes, Puns, and Riddles

How Do You Get Holy Water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Joke Genie, Editor

Corny Jokes

Al Gore has gained a lot of weight lately

2010-08-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Political Jokes

“Al Gore has gained a lot of weight lately. Of course, unlike his former boss he only has to worry about getting into his own pants.”

- David Letterman

DURING A MESSY DIVORCE

2010-08-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. In order to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the parents the boy would prefer to live with. "Well, Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your Mother?"

"No" replied Johnny, "she hits me all the time."

"Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live with your Father?"

"No" replied Johnny again, "He hits me all the time too!"

The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy "Well Johnny, who would you like to live with?"

"I'd like to live with the Atlanta Falcons," the boy replied quickly.

"Why on earth would you want to live with the Atlanta Falcons?" replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.

"Well," replied Johnny, "They never beat anyone!"

Marriage Jokes

Actually Said In Court

2010-08-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

LAWYER IN COURT: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Riding Horseback With An Indian

2010-08-21T09:30:00.000-07:00

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Jokelopedia: The Biggest, Best, Silliest, Dumbest Joke Book Ever

One Way To Go

2010-08-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

Short Jokes

A busload of politicians

2010-08-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.

The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them.

"Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff.

"Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."

Where did the cows go last night?

2010-08-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

*** Warning: Truly, I mean TRULY, Corny Joke

Where did the cows go last night?

To the moooovies.

P.S. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Life needs some cornyness.

Short Jokes

Don't Eat the Mushrooms

2010-08-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

Pranky Jokes

Don't Eat the Mushrooms

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

All Responses Must Be Oral

2010-07-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ANSWER: Oral.

Shot In The What?

2010-07-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Friend: You were not shot in the fracas?

Victim: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Taxation Without Representation

2010-07-27T08:35:00.001-07:00

John Oliver: Taxation Without Representation
Frankly, I could not f**king believe I was not allowed to vote. Three and a half years I've lived here! I work hard -- relatively speaking for someone who does this for a living. I pay my taxes. I try to fit in. I've learnt your rudimentary language. I don't know what more you could reasonably expect me to do. And that's when it hit me. I know why I'm so angry. I know what this is -- taxation without representation. Now I get it. Now I see why you got so pissy about it all those years ago. It is annoying. You were right. It is annoying and consider that as close to an apology as you are ever going to get.

Marriage Humor

2010-07-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. YOU carry the suitcases!"

Short Jokes

Marriage Joke - What Is The Biggest Cause Of Divorce?

2010-07-23T02:49:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

What Is The Biggest Cause Of Divorce?

Marriage.

Any good jokes?

2010-07-22T02:49:00.001-07:00

Have a joke? Yeah, I'm repeating my last post. But, still I wait.

Got a joke?

2010-07-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

Please add your joke!

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

2010-07-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Question: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

Answer: So brunettes can remember them.

Hiccups

2010-07-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

While waiting in line at the bank, I developed an embarrassing case of hiccups. While near the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to get worse.

The teller took my cheque and proceeded to run a computer verification of the account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash it.

Shocked as it was end month and I was sure my employer had banked my salary, I asked “Why not?” “I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact,” she continued, “our records show your account is overdrawn in excess of sh 50000.”

“It can’t be!” I cried. “You have to be kidding!”

“Yes, I am,” she answered with a smile, counting out his cash.

“But you will notice that your hiccups are gone.”

Short Jokes

Little Johnny's new baby brother

2010-07-17T01:44:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

Mealtime during a flight

2010-07-15T00:44:00.001-07:00

Jokes Every Man Should Know

Mealtime during a flight

It was mealtime during a flight.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Joe, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" Joe asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

Optimism vs Pessimism

2010-07-02T03:40:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “Your dog can’t swim!”

One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter...

2010-06-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.

My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."

"What do you want to know?" I responded.

"Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"

Warden Offers The Prisoner A Job

2010-06-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Model Prisoner

In prison, Jake got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Jake was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So, he asked Jake to do the job for him.

To the warden's surprise, Jake said no.

"But, you're an expert, Jake. I really need your help," said the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter fittingis what got me into prison in the first place!"

2010-06-26T23:57:00.001-07:00

Short Jokes

Will It Be Long?

2010-06-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

Funny Jokes

Ian arrived at a very popular restaurant and he was dismayed to find it very crowded. Approaching the hostess Ian said, "Will it be long?"

The hostess, seemingly ignoring Ian continued writing in her reservations book.

Thinking she had possibly not heard him the first time, Ian decided to ask again. "How much time is the wait for a table?"

Looking up from her book, the hostess smiled and said, "Oh, only about ten minutes. We will inform you when your table is ready."

A short time later, Ian heard an announcement over the intercom system, "Willette B. Long......... Willette B. Long, your table is ready."

Joke: Four Stages Of Life

2010-06-26T11:06:00.001-07:00

Short Jokes

Four Stages Of Life

Stage One: You believe in Santa Claus.

Stage Two: You don't believe in Santa Claus.

Stage Three: You become Santa Claus.

Stage Four: You look like Santa Claus.

High School Test - One Liners

2010-05-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

One Liner

Actual Answers From High School Science Tests:

"The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

2010-05-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious

One day an "at home" wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy saying, "Hi, is Jake home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a bit of silence the friend says, "You know Lisa, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks just to see one."

Lisa thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and the guy then says, "That was so amazing! I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Lisa amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not?

So she opens her robe and gives the dude a nice long viewing.

A while later Jake arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Short Jokes

Joke Relating To Symbols

2010-05-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Pranky Jokes

Symbols

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David.

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old. The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting, after months of conferences, to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem.

"You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

"The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food.

"The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

But, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!

Hilarious Jokes

Have a seat

2010-05-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.

The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."

"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"

The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

Short Jokes

Essential Desert Objects

2010-05-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Essential Desert Objects

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.

The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.

The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.

Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.

The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

Blonde Joke: Blonde's Alligator Shoes

2010-05-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Blonde Jokes: 500 Blonde Jokes to Make Your Toes Curl!

Blonde's Alligator Shoes

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."

Short Jokes

Mental Joke

2010-05-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Mental Institution Pop Quiz

Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"

Jon says, "I'd be half blind."

"That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?"

"I'd be completely blind." The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Jon's way out he tells Dan the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Dan, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"

Dan says, "I'd be half blind."

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?"

"I'd be completely blind."

"Dan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?" asks the doctor.

"Well," replies Dan, "my hat would fall over my eyes."

Doctor Joke

Football Joke

2010-05-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

Jokes Every Man Should Know

Question: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl?

Answer: The Atlanta Falcons

Need a push?

2010-05-11T07:16:00.001-07:00

Need a push?

A man is in bed asleep with his wife when there is a rat- a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the door and there is man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember
that night we broke down on the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk." says the husband.

"It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help, the right thing to do would be to help him."

So the husband out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."

Short Jokes

Hot Flash... Mom Joke

2010-05-09T02:52:00.000-07:00

Menopausal Mom
If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

For more jokes about mom, please visit us at:

http://JokesAndSayings.net

Regards,

The Joke Genie

Funny Signs Of The Times

2010-05-07T04:45:00.000-07:00

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

One Liners

Do you have a funny sign to add to our collection?

Please add it if you can.

Good night!

Joke Genie
http://JokesAndSayings.net

Comical Signs

2010-05-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

One Liner Jokes

Have a good one!

JG
http://JokesAndSayings.net

Funny Signs

2010-05-03T16:42:00.000-07:00

Funny Signs

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blow-out."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

Good day!

Joke Genie

More Funny Signs

2010-05-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Signs - Funny

For yet another funny sign, set your timer for 24 hours and pay us a visit.

Cheers,

Joke Genie, Editor
Funny Signs and Such Ezine
http://JokesAndSayings.net

Sign Language - Funny Signs

2010-04-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

Funny Signs

Sign over a gynaecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

For more funny signs, please visit us in 24 hours!

Joke Genie

Boss Joke - Sign Reads, "I'm the boss!"

2010-04-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

The Joke Genie's boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the boss".

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said.

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Short Jokes

Cheers!

Joke Genie, Editor
Boss Jokes and Other Goodies
http://JokesAndSayings.net

P.S. Yes, I put myself this boss joke! I guess I like my name in lights.

Church Joke

2010-04-24T04:28:00.000-07:00

Church Girl

At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Church Joke

Good day!

Joke Genie

P.S. Please bookmark our joke blog!

Joke Of The Day: Smooth Boys

2010-04-20T04:26:00.000-07:00

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

Short Jokes

Kid Joke: Four-year olds

2010-04-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

Kid Jokes

Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad,
but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time.

Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at us.

Get more kid jokes at http://JokesAndSayings.net

Beer Humor: Don't Drink Beer?

2010-04-15T03:33:00.000-07:00

Short Jokes

Scientists for the department of Health in Canada have suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed six pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Poor Monty

2010-04-11T03:29:00.000-07:00

Funny Short Joke

Monty got his paycheck on Friday but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with his friends. When he finally ran out of money Sunday night, he returned home. He was confronted by his furious wife, who lectured him for hours about his lack of consideration.

Finally she said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

To which he blurted out, “That would be just fine with me!”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he still didn’t see her. Finally on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Female Compassion

2010-04-08T06:16:00.000-07:00

Short Funny Jokes

The Joke Genie was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?” The Joke Genie said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?” The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been screwed?” The Joke Genie said, “No.” She said, “You will be when the tide comes in.”

Joke Genie, Editor
Jokes and Other Goodies Ezine
http://JokesAndSayings.net

P.S. Yes, I injected myself into that joke! Sorry. I was getting a tad lonesome on the sidelines.

P.P.S. Please bookmark this blog and then visit our main web site: http://JokesAndSayings.net

Government Joke - Working With The FBI

2010-04-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house. "Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep" "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Good day!

Joke Genie

For more jokes, please bookmark this blog!

Short Jokes

Political Joke: Making People Happy on AIR FORCE ONE

2010-04-03T03:10:00.000-07:00

(JG) Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Short Jokes

OLD WOMAN WHO HAS A BABY

2010-03-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

Short Joke

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The old lady says, "Because I forgot where I put it."

Hilarious Joke. Woman Exclaims, "Make Me Feel Like A Woman!"

2010-03-27T01:04:00.000-07:00

Hilarious Jokes

Woman Exclaims, "Make Me Feel Like A Woman!"

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "You want to feel like a woman, eh? Iron this."

Wise Old Man and The Cans

2010-03-25T03:02:00.000-07:00

A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.

Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the man tells the kids, "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income. From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers are displeased, but they accept his offer.

A few days later, the retiree approaches them again. "Look," he says, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to pay more than 25 cents. Will that be OK?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaims. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts. We quit."

Funny Jokes

Have any jokes?

2010-03-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

Hey guys... this is the Short Joke Genie. I am getting mighty lonely here. Where are your comments?

Look, how about this. If you leave me a comment I promise to extend to you 3 wishes.

So, please leave me a comment!

http://JokesAndSayings.net

Substitute Teacher And The Locker

2010-02-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"

He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."

Short Jokes