Food Joke

Max: Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in my oyster soup.

Waiter: You don't expect to find angels in your angel cake, do you?

 

 

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History Joke

A bus full of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide, who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Too bad! We missed it by only a half hour!"

 

 

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Joke

Who yelled "Coming are the British"?

Paul Reverse.

 

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Animal Joke

Two roaches having a discussion

 

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

 

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

 

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

 

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Marriage Joke

Monty was tired of being bossed around so he asked the bartender what to do. The bartender said he needed to be assertive. He told Monty exactly what to say when he got home. When Monty entered his house, he stormed past the door and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to stop whatever you're doing and prepare me a gourmet meal with a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

 

"The funeral director," said his wife.

 

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Restaurant Joke

Jessie and Bessie went into a diner and ordered two glasses of water. Then they each unwrapped a tuna sandwich and started to eat. The waitress told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" So they shrugged their shoulders and exchanged sandwiches.

 

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Beer Joke

While shopping in a grocery store, two Baptist church ladies happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second good Baptist sister answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, But that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first sister replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the good Baptist sister said, "This is for washing our hair."

 

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

 

"The curlers are on me."

 

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